Zombie Blog Comes Alive

So, I didn't mean to abandon my blog. Looking back at the posts, I can see why I did.

Overly verbose.

Obsessive.

I actually had to stop reading the blogs for a while, also, for a number of reasons. I have problems with internet addiction, to be sure. Addictive personality that latches on to anything to avoid pain and problems.

But I am losing weight again. I am learning to be more honest and succinct. I appreciate the other bloggers who are out there, laying it on the line day after day. I wanted to tell any of you that care that I haven't given up, and neither should you.

I feel I've come a long way in the last year and a half. The weight loss has been a slow process. I did have to take some time off, because I needed some time to just live and breathe and not worry about it. I regained some, but not a lot, in the grand scheme of things. Recently re-tackled it all, and now I'm down to a lifetime low, and am according to the silly BMI numbers, no longer in the "Overweight" category. This isn't the truth, however, I still have some excess body fat that clearly needs to go. Which is fine, I'm currently working on it.

I'm about to ditch my current method of weight loss for good. The rounds of HCG did get me from morbidly obese to "normal." I'm looking at a number of other models. 4 Hour Body, Lean Gains, or just plain Paleo eating, plus increased activity. I feel I need to take the activity and exercise to the next level, or it will be forever backsliding and trying to regain lost ground.

I'm dreaming of hiking to Camp Muir, the climbing camp on Mount Rainier at over 10,000 feet. We were going to take the Alpine Scrambling course offered by the Mountaineers to prepare for that, but could not afford it this year. Instead, we're planning on snowshoeing classes and training hikes starting mid-late February, as soon as I get off this round. This will not get us ready for Camp Muir, as I believe we need the navigation and safety training to safely cross the Muir Snowfield, but I do believe we will take some epic hikes this summer.

Lastly, it would seem that my paternal Grandma has probably not got long to live. Due to a complicated abusive family situation, we have been kept apart mostly for 20 years or more. I miss her and feel terrible about it. I am thinking about throwing caution to the wind, going out to see her despite the issues involved. I talked to her yesterday and cried for quite a while afterwards. I may have to abandon my current protocol to do so, as just for this particular protocol it's honestly too difficult to follow while traveling. Which is really tough, because my doctor will not allow me to go back on it for a year, and I don't plan to, ever. I am scared I won't be able to shed the 13 pounds or so I want to without it. But I am more scared that I will never get to see her again. Weight loss is not worth a lifetime of regret.

This has been a deeply emotionally trying time. The last few years I have worked really hard to learn to face my fears and stop avoiding painful things, and now I really must face up to this, too.