Crisis Perspective

Just got off the phone with my sister, who is visiting my Grandma. Things are very bad, and not just my Grandma's health.

Someone at that home is a physically abusive drunk who beat a child in front of my sister, and attacked her when she intervened.

The cops were called but NEVER CAME. The father of the child, who lives at that house and has sole custody of the child never came home all night, but showed up in the morning and took the child to school. The school called and said he has head injuries. The father disappeared again and never materialized to take the child home. His sister, a good and reliable but busy person, is going to pick up the child instead. My sister has to get on a plane. No one who was witness to this will be there to make reports, talk to authorities, tell them what was witnessed except my Grandma, who is in and out of lucidity, and probably won't report. My sister can't afford to stay anywhere, she's unemployed and can't change her ticket. She's up for some jobs and has interviews. She needs to return home.

But that drunk abusive person is in charge of taking care of my Grandma. That drunk abusive person is left to watch my little cousin while his Dad is out all night at the bar and going home with strange women.

I am furious and devastated. My own childhood abuse is flooding back over me. I am so angry and overwhelmed.

I had already made arrangements to fly out in a week with A and my other sister. I think that drunk abusive person needs to go to jail and someone else needs to be looking after my Grandmother. I think my little third cousin needs to be in a safe place with someone who cares for him properly. I don't know what I can do from here. But I am so upset. I don't know what to do when I do get out there. Add to this that there's ANOTHER close relative involved who has caused me to fear for my safety for my entire life. I don't know how to stay safe and help everyone involved become safe.

This is a nightmare I had mostly avoided for 30 years. My stomach hurts. I feel so helpless.

No matter how much you avoid your problems, they don't go away on their own. I finally manage to overcome my fears enough to do something that I feel is right and good, and now I have to face all the demons all over again, it would seem. I want to help my Grandma and this little kid. It puts my own problems in life in perspective, that's for sure. I want to lose 10 more pounds, waah waah waah.  Oh I don't want to go off my diet early, boo fucking hoo.

Well, I'm going off my strict diet regimen and going to the midwest in a week. I'm sucking up my fears and going to deal with the situation. See my grandmother and tell her that I love her and that I'm sorry it took me this long to come say that. That my fear of that OTHER relative kept me from contact. Get her to safety, if possible. Get that child to safety if possible. Do some fucking battle.

Wish me luck.