You're Doing It Wrong...

I have lost over 130 pounds, at the moment, counting recent slight regain (hopefully some of it muscle, as I am now lifting 1.5 - 2x what I was a month ago, overall.) I have fought my way, tooth and nail down from morbid obesity to slightly overweight. I know that the vast majority of people who lose large amounts of weight regain it, and then some. So I am paying lots of attention to other successful people's blogs, other success stories on the web. I need to focus, to plant my feet firmly in the grass, and hope to learn from others what works for them, choosing what makes sense for me.

I am noticing a disturbing trend recently. Many of these successful individuals, on a regular basis, point to other people's blogs, to their attitudes, beliefs, struggles, or to the myriad ways to lose weight, maintain or become more fit and say "You're doing it wrong!" This is disheartening to me.

Why? Well, for one thing, I know for a fact that what works for one does not work for another. You can stomp your feet and scream to the sky that your personal experience and/or your chosen brand of science supports this idea. It does not matter how nastily or confidently you state this. My personal experience does not bear this out.

I tried switching out beans for meat protein, for example, eating LESS calories but matching protein amounts and found myself gaining massive fat around the middle, while many people claim that just the opposite happens for them. My friend lost weight doing this, I did not. I was scrupulously honest in my approach. I do not have time to mess around with denial. I wish to change my body composition for the better, and beans did not work. For me.

I lost my weight my own way, a particular method which many people say is wrong. But I'm still here, still ex-obese for the first time in my entire life. I'm still reaching for the body that I want, adapting my lifestyle, working hard. I've seen many people who lost it the "right" way who are struggling, who regained some or all of their weight, and some who did so and disappeared from the blogging world forever and ever. I do not blame them or their methods of losing or maintaining weight. We are all in this together. Sometimes tragedy overwhelms us, or life has a different lesson to teach us just then. I only miss them and wish them well, not feeling any bitterness towards people in those circumstances. I have lost and regained before. I have spun off the track before. I understand how it can go. Many of the greatest success stories have lost and regained before, like Sean from The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. What matters is that you keep trying.

Another example of "You're doing it wrong" I see a lot is accusing others of a bad attitude. Man, your life is not my life is not his life is not her life. We all need to be supportive of others and understand that they have daily circumstances and life experiences that have shaped them in very different ways than your own. Yeah, there is such a thing as a bad attitude, but pointing to someone or even to people in general and mocking them for their attitude is not going to help, and seems to me the worst attitude of all. Modeling good attitudes, such as finding joy in everyday life, of finding the motivation and strength to live well, of caring for oneself, not tearing down others to make one's self feel better is probably a gazillion times more helpful. Yes, I see the irony here...I'm guilty of criticizing right here and now. But my criticism is of this mean-spirited crap I keep seeing, not the person's own daily struggles. Nobody is always happy/in the groove/motivated. NOBODY.

I accept that each and every one of us has a unique voice, our own way of doing things, methods and struggles and philosophies. What I do not think is constructive is the negativity, the smug know-it-all-ness that points to other people's blogs and says "FAIL." You can choose to blog that way, but I will probably never follow you or un-follow you in the near future. Maybe some people need to hear these negative messages to be motivated, but that's pretty much the opposite of what I've learned about human psychology. It only makes me sick to my stomach when I start to hear that condescension come out. Yet I do see people jumping in together to be nasty, to point to others and mock. It feels so...high school. It feels like a failure to evolve.

I am inspired by other people's inspiration. That's what I find infectious. When they eloquently state what got them going, what keeps them going now, despite all odds. When they celebrate their victories, their beautiful transformation. When they speak honestly about their own struggles, or even when they struggle with their own honesty but keep talking about it. Who amongst us doesn't deceive ourselves, from time to time? No matter what methods each of us choose about eating and exercising and living life, we all have things we can learn from one another. We can support one another. It doesn't mean that we endorse that other person's particular method, that our own is invalid. Your own success and joy and light will attract far more converts to your way than "You're Doing It Wrong" could ever hope to. I would hope.

Versatility Awarded!

Okay, maybe it's NOT an award for my versatility (Does that sound a little dirty or is it just me?  Yeah, probably just me), but it's an award nonetheless.  And I got it from one of my hands-down all-time favorite bloggers, the awesome writer of 266.  I've followed her blog for quite some time, at least since she started doing things like riding zip-lines(!), and she was a huge influence on to me to start blogging and keep on keepin' on down the road.  Watching her AMAZING transformation is utterly addictive -  I have to stop by for my delicious daily dose.  If you haven't read her blog, go check it out; you'll be so inspired that the next thing you know you may just start dragon-boating!  That lady knows how to have fun!  Hilariously, I just recently realized I should start clicking the "Follow" button instead of keeping all my regular blogs open in tabs (lol), and apparently that's how this happened...she decided to check out her most recent followers and give this to people whose blogs she found there.  So thank you, 266, I truly appreciate your support.

The award comes with the following guidelines:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Nominate fifteen newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.

Seven things about myself, hmmmm....lemmesee...

1. I once spent half an hour talking to David Byrne backstage at Seattle's Bumbershoot music festival without realizing it was him.  In fact, my friend Ben, the drummer of the band I was hanging out with had just introduced me to his mother and I had just assumed that Mr. Byrne was this guy's father, as their faces looked similar to me, both with very intense eyes.  We sat on some steps behind the stadium with the singer of the band, chatted about all the bands we liked and saw at the festival, the weather, just this and that.  I have no idea why I didn't recognize him, since I have loved the Talking Heads since I was 13 and KNEW he was playing the festival opposite my friend's band, but somehow I did not.  I swear, hand over heart, that the next thing out of my mouth was going to be "So, you're Ben's Dad?" when a person with a clipboard and headset ran up and said "David!  You're on in ten!"  I have never had more of a lightbulb over my head moment in my life as that moment.  I nonchalantly said "Nice talking to you.  Have a great show", shook his hand and walked away, thanking the universe and all the stars above for intervening in what might well have been the most embarrassing moment of my existence.  Super nice guy, btw. :)

2. My partner A and I spent 2 months in India, from December 1999 to January 2000 partly because we wanted to go somewhere complete different for the millennium new year (among many other reasons).  We celebrated the New Year's Eve with 4000 people from all over the world on a beach in Goa.

3. I once made a comedic short film lampooning Lars Von Trier that played at a small film festival, which got a very positive response!

4. I had a phobia of driving that I didn't overcome until nine years ago.  I got my first driver's license at the age of 33.  I have no problem driving now whatsoever.  BUT:

5. I get lost very very easily.  In fact, I seriously get turned around going around blocks.  My partner bought me a GPS, which has revolutionized my life. :)

6. Snorkeling is hands down my favorite activity of all time.  Sorry, current and former lovers - XOXO.  Snorkeling is better.  It's the closest thing to being able to fly I have ever experienced, and a window into a secret world.

7. If I could have any superpower I wanted, I would choose to be able to enter the sea and swim as long as I wanted, traveling from continent to continent, breathing underwater, living in the ocean as long as I liked.  Wow, I just realized - my super power is basically to be Aquaman, the most ridiculed superhero of all time.  Way to go, me!

Hmm...perhaps I should have received the Verbosity Award instead?

To pick the blogs to pass the award on to, I felt compelled to explore and find brand new ones that I enjoyed and want to encourage.  I chose a blogs from a mix of weight loss methods, but I did include several HCG blogs, because I've been having a hard time tracking them down in the mainstream weight loss community, and think there should be more cross-pollination.  Here's the 15 (whew!) newly discovered blogs that I nominate:

1. A Day in the Life of An HCG Dieter

2. A Tail of Two Kittehs

3. Autumn's Rosier Days

4. Food Will Not Define Me Forever

5. I Miss My Collar Bone

6. The Incredible Shrinking Gal Baby

7. Hey You, Drop the Fork and Step Away from the Plate!

8. Journey to Me Via HCG

9. Just me and my HCG!

10. Miss Mary's This and That

11. My HCG Story

12. My Non-Mainstream Weightloss and Fitness Journal

13. New Me: A Fresh Start

14. Reaching Onederland with HCG

15. Tia Gets Fit

Honestly, I feel pretty shy about this part of the process.  Kind of scared that the people I notify are gonna say "I don't know you from Adam, who are you?"  or "I don't do awards."  Mostly I'm afraid that people might think I'm just doing it to promote myself or something weird.  I'm gonna swallow my weird insecurities and do it anyways, because someone I truly respect did it for me, and it was really sweet.  So there.

Edit - I just left all the notifications, and it felt kind of...spammy.  I really hope people don't take it that way.   I really just want to give what was gotten, and share the love.

Beating the Odds Together

You've heard it over and over.  That most people fail to lose weight when they try.  That almost everyone who does manage to lose weight will inevitably gain it all back and more.

I bought that, for many years.  I mean, I did TRY to lose weight, and sometimes I would be successful for the briefest amount of time, but then, boom, I did indeed yo-yo right back up the scale.  Once I lost 80 pounds and kept it off for a while on a no-grain/starches/lactose diet I was on to curb IBS that seemed to be developing into Crohn's disease (it totally worked, along with a strict and expensive gut-healing regimen after a few years, different story), but as soon as I added back any carbs, it all crept back on, bit by bit over the next three years, plus 5 pounds, maybe more.  Somewhere in my heart, I had accepted it.  I believed that I couldn't really do it.  I thought it was inevitable.

This time is different.  Why?  So many reasons.  But I think the number one reason is - I don't believe the lie about it being impossible to lose and maintain your weight any more.  I've seen too many people succeed to believe it.  I am not alone in my journey.  And neither are you.

Suddenly there's a whole community available, without barriers, as long as we have access to the technology.  I keep seeing the blogs and sites of people who have lost hundreds of pounds and have kept it off for years!  When we read one another's stories, we gain insights into our own.  The reasons for our weight problems, what we are clinging to or medicating, the physical things that need healing, the emotional issues that need solving, the different paths to freedom.  We can talk over what works for us and what doesn't work.  I see the positive examples, the people who have made it.  I see the support that we can offer one another, and it is incredibly powerful.

Once I started seeing success after success, something clicked into place.  Once I saw with my own eyes that what was "common knowledge" about losing and maintaining weight being next to impossible was a lie, it became possible for me, too.  I had to find the methods that worked for me and heal myself physically and emotionally.  Still on my journey, but I'm telling you, it's totally different this time.  Life is new.  I've lost over 100 pounds.  I can't see myself ever going back.

Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being out there.  Thank you for showing me the way.  Thank you for exposing the lie for what it is.

I haven't forgotten about the award, 266, btw.  Had an exceedingly wacky day yesterday, full of both pleasant and unpleasant surprises, and in my spare time I've been hunting down my 15 newly discovered bloggers to hand it off to.  Hopefully tonight.  Best to all of you.

Progress pictures and welcome!

I've added progress pictures to my blog.  It was a hard decision to make, as I'm really shy about how I look, even now, but I'm glad I did.  Looking at that little filmstrip to the right is very motivating!  I've never actually sat down and done this before.  It's truly helpful. Still struggling to grasp a new body image, over a hundred pounds lighter.  I'm finally really seeing what a difference it's made, where I still need to go, and coming to accept that I probably really do need to weigh just about HALF of what I weighed at my heaviest.  Wow!  And that's okay.  If I can achieve that, then I'll have really done something to feel good about.  When I first started losing weight, I had no idea where I needed to be. I made my first goal 180, which I still haven't quite reached. Decided not to change that goal until I get there, but really, my ultimate ideal weight is probably somewhere between 140 - 155.  Just a guess, based on what I look like now at this weight.  We'll see as we get closer.

The amazing and lovely 266 gave me an award, only on my old blog!  I'll follow up on that tonight, when I have a little more time.  But thank you so much!  She's one of the most inspirational bloggers I've ever read, while losing over 100 pounds and becoming a complete athlete in the process.   Anyways, for those people now viewing my blog for the first time, welcome and thanks for coming by!  I promise to post more often.  I've been spending a lot of time in the sun, a rarity around these parts.

Quick exercise update - A and I did our first Greenlake crossing and back last week!  We made it, about 1 mile, with brief rests in about 90 minutes.  I am a VERY slow open water swimmer, but proud of my increasing endurance.  Hopefully I can speed things up with more practice, like we did last (exceptionally hot) summer.  We've been hiking and going for walks most days that it wasn't hot enough to swim.  I've been having some muscle and joint aches, flaring auto-immune things.  Hopefully that might die down, may need to watch my diet a little more closely.  But I'm happy with my overall activity level, though there's always room for improvement.  Now it's time for some activity!

Another Great Lyn Post

Controversial

Lyn of Escape from Obesity has been a blogger that I am consistantly blown away by, and this post rocks.  She staunchly defends the right to find what works for you and stick to it.  I'm 100% behind her, even though how I lose weight is different.  Great job, Lyn.