Anger Issues

I'm really struggling mentally and emotionally today. I haven't been able to concentrate on work or running the errands I need to. My motivation has shrunk to nil.

Coming up against a lot of anger, irritability, lashing out, and constant defensiveness on different fronts in my life, offline and surprisingly online (though online has not been directed at me). Being around that takes its toll. It's bugging me a lot. I think these people need to change/take their medications/supplements/get some goddamned counseling.

Anger can be a constructive and necessary emotion, but not if that's your constant default response to the world. That is not helpful. It guarantees that you will just be unhappy all the time. It also guarantees that you will be abrasive to those around you, eventually even those closest to you will instinctually begin to draw away.

I am trying really hard to reset my emotional state this morning/afternoon. The sun is shining outside, rare in these parts, everything is going pretty okay (hiccups will always happen, but they are not the end of the world.)  The problems I have mirror the problems I see the angry people around me having. The difference is how we are dealing with these stresses. I do experience quick flares of anger/frustration about some of these things, but I don't find it worth clinging to my anger about. Actual examples of problems/daily life situations they are having that I am also facing and how we deal with things:

I could choose to let a stupid (though upsetting) bureaucratic mishap get me down, constantly ranting about how the world is out to get me, or I can choosing to experience my initial anger at the unfairness of it, then calm the fuck down and deal with it in a practical manner.

I could choose to get angry every time someone disagreed with me and told me that something I am proposing we do together is not the best course of action, feel persecuted or jumped on, no matter how non-critical the wording, or I could choose to absorb the information, thank them for their opinion and decide with or without them what my own actual decisions will be. If I must decide on doing something together with someone, I could also take into consideration that both people must be on board, not just me.

I could choose to get pissed off at every person who makes some driving decision that doesn't allow me to flow at maximum speed through traffic, or I could just realize that people will always behave like that, that they don't drive like I do, that it might not even be wise to drive like I do, that choosing to react like that will just result in a state of constant rage and irritation of those around me, and instead relax and enjoy the journey, talking to the person with me or being happy about the cool stuff I get to see along the way, or spend the extra time thinking something constructive over or daydreaming.

Often this anger seems to be the manifestation of an extremely judgmental attitude. Which is funny, since one of these people in particular condemns someone else we know for their extremely judgmental attitude. If you feel that you know better than everyone else all the time, it can easily come out as condescension and constant righteous anger. I see this in this person a lot. It gets directed at me more often than I'd like. If there is a disagreement, anger is the result.

The last couple days I feel like they don't even really like me. That when we're together, they tune out in any way possible, and when they listen to what I am saying, they are just barely tolerating me, and react with great irritation to almost everything I say or do. I think I need to make myself scarce for a while. Spend time with some non-constantly-angry people. Start setting limits, even though it's hard considering the closeness involved. It will be healthier for me to, instead of trying to fix this person or this situation, as is my impulse, show that I am capable of finding my own ways to spend my time, be my own person, and appreciate/be appreciated by other people.

I have tried so many ways to help, and now I can see that is part of the problem, because it's not healthy to try to fix people. It's sad though...unless they become self-aware enough to realize that they are pushing me away, they are going to lose me. They probably will think it's my fault, too. But that is not my concern. My only concern is that I need to stop putting myself in harm's way. Why would I choose to be around this?

Taking a deep breath. Trying not to catastrophize about this. Perhaps they will see the limit setting and take a look at themselves and their own behavior. Perhaps this is a temporary flare, and we can go back to enjoying our time together. But what I don't need to do is let someone else's bad moods dictate my own. I can enjoy this day and not let it be ruined by somebody else's actions.

Lastly, I am aware that this whole post may sound judgmental and self-righteous. It may be, and if so, I apologize. BUT...I am not angry, full of hate and rage. I am trying to figure out what I can do to improve my relationships, feel better, and take care of myself. I used to think that would mean placating the angry people, or counseling them, or trying to figure out how to help them feel less angry. Now I can see that maybe I need to set limits with people who are behaving badly and spend more of my time around people who are more healthy in their emotional regulation, instead. If that's judgmental, then I don't know where to begin to become healthier.