To HCG or to Not HCG, That is the Question

As you can probably tell by the beer in my hand in my latest progress picture (and now my profile pic), I've been having a pretty good time this summer.  Though seriously, I haven't been drinking all that much, avoiding my previous bar-dwelling existence like the plague, but still.  Relaxing with friends and family, taking time to enjoy things.  I quit my job, spend my time exploring my city all over again, hiking, swimming, going on Maui vacations and day trips to the mountains.  I've tried to sell stuff on e-bay to no avail, and failed so far at securing any freelance editing attempts, but overall, I'm enjoying myself.  I let my 6 week waiting period between HCG rounds lapse and then some.  The weather finally got nice here!  I want to enjoy it.

I've been really proud of my ability to maintain this time.  I mean, I've never managed to stay within the magical two pound range from my last dose weight as recommended by the protocol, but after popping up a bit on aforementioned Maui vacation (you can't eat things like banana bread and chocolate covered macadamia nuts every day and expect miraculous maintenance results), I brought it back down to 6 pounds over my last dose weight and have stayed within two pounds of that for the last month.

So I think I've figured out maintenance at this weight, and that's cool.  I've never weighed less than 200 pounds in my entire adult life! Hell, I was above that by the time I got into high school.  Maintenance is great right now, because I know that even if I didn't continue losing, I'm no longer automatically just climbing up the scale as I had for years and years.  I NEVER want to see a "2" in front of my weight ever again! 

What I'm not doing is losing weight.  Not a bit of it.  This is par for the course for me.  I used to lose weight on low carb, but not anymore.  Now I merely maintain.  It takes an unrealistic amount of calorie restriction and a level of exercise beyond what my achy joints and fibromyalgic muscles can currently support for me to get anywhere without HCG.  There are going to be a lot of people out there who don't believe this, but I know the truth.  I once lost 80 pounds on low carb alone, now it no longer works for me.  Trudi from My Non-Mainstream Weight Loss and Fitness Journey linked to this article on weight loss, metabolic rates and hormone levels that was extremely revealing, and now I understand more about why this may be so for me as detailed in that article.  My metabolism, always slow, had slowed to a crawl for lots of reasons.  I may go into detail about this at some point, but you'd probably be snoring by the end of the already wordy-ass post, so not for now...

This endocrine and metabolic specialist mentioned that many people with the problems he details have been having great success with HCG.  And so I have.  I do think my metabolic rate is higher than it used to have been or I would be gaining great gobs every time I have a cracker or a beer, and I'm not.  But it's still not all the way there yet, and may never be, given my built in endocrine imbalance (CAH which produces my now documented sky-high DHEA levels, among other things.)  So it's HCG for me when I'm ready to go again.

But am I ready?  On the one hand, I have no job, and therefore time to enjoy the occasional glass of wine or meal out with friends and family, especially sitting in sunny patios.  I can't do that on the HCG protocol.  I can go hiking and swimming whenever the weather allows.  On the protocol, I am often too weak or dizzy for most exercise, and there's not enough protein in my diet to rebuild strained muscles.

On the other hand...I am impatient to get where I am going.  I look at myself now, and for being 100+ pounds down, I'm so freaking far from an ideal weight.  It's funny, too...I know there's a huge difference in the Befores and Afters, but since all the full body shots are from the front you can hardly see that I am developing a waistline because I'm still almost straight up and down from that angle!  If I'm turned at all to the side, you can see a giant difference, that I come way in under my chest, and I'm so much THINNER.  I can't wait for the front view to match the side, LOL.  I want the jawline to be there ALL the time, not just from certain angles or if I hold my chin up.  I want to lose the thunder thighs.  Thank god for my Torrid sugar skull swim trunks!  Nobody wants to see what lies beneath!

So...a dilemma.  Do I enjoy the rest of my summer as a moderately fat person, or do I wearily start what I oughtta do next weekend and get done right at the end of August as a progressively more normal-sized me?  I still probably won't hit my ideal weight, but I'll be so much closer!  I have to decide by Tuesday next week.  It's a toughie.  More hair-pulling to follow...